Today's Bad Stories !

[Suutashi]

I didn't have to very fun morning. I woke up at about 6:30 thing morning after having gone to bed only an hour or two earlier. (I had trouble getting to sleep because of feeling sick with a nasty headache.) I freaked out when I looked at the time on my cellphone because I misread it and thought it said 6:30PM instead of 6:30AM. Mom made me go back to bed when she realized I was really disoriented when I started to panic a bit when I told her I thought she was going to work at 8:00 in the evening and would be getting off at 4:30 in morning. It's been really, really stressful around here and it's causing me to have trouble sleeping which in turn makes me feel sick and tired all the time.

[pofa]

[me=pofa]clicks suutashi's pokefarm eggs [/me]
Hope you feel better soon.

I've been very out of joint today. I've felt mentally numb and like I don't really want to do anything. :/ And when I'm not feeling numb, I'm nervous about having to teach a lesson tomorrow that I don't feel fully prepared for even though I've worked on it for days.

[aly_angelflight]

Somehow, my alarm got set to go off an hour earlier than what I thought I set it to.

[mangaluva]

Back at Uni, which means no IRC.

[Akonyl]

Back at Uni, which means no IRC.

no proxy luck? D:

[mangaluva]

Back at Uni, which means no IRC.

no proxy luck? D:

None at all. Whoever is running the Uni's blocking is evil.

[redangelran]

I was forced to do 30 push ups. Now the part near my arms hurt. D:

[mangaluva]

Sooooo very hungover...

[Graywolf]

Holy crap I am going to scream.

I just spent a LOT of time writing a post here and going over it, editing and revising it, worrying about what to put in and leave out.  It was a big wall of text that probably on a couple people would read.. and then.. Without saving the text anywhere else, I click "post", and I get "Website Currently Unavailable
The website you are trying to access is currently unavailable. Please try again at a later time.

If you are the site owner, review the following resource to help resolve the issue."

NOOOOO!

I'll re-type it here if I'm not too lazy..

EDIT: Well, this is a re-type.  I'm probably missing some details and it's not as well-written as the first.

But really, don't read this if you don't want to.  It's still going to be a big HUGE wall of text and, although I really wanted to get this off my chest, it's a bit whiny and embarrassing too.

Spoiler:

My previous apathy about my Grandfather's death was almost completely demolished when every single related family member besides myself was crying at the funeral (as in, adults and children of every sort, whereas I am just a fourteen-year-old girl).  It made me feel a little guilty.  Even if everyone else was doing it, I can't bear to cry in public (this almost makes me doubt my sanity.  I can hold in my tears when a family member dies, but not when I can't think of something to write about it English (yeah, this happened).  I'll become lucid in a dream when I'm staring at a light post, but not when I'm staring at Kaito in a Pickle Jar..)

There is a Biology project that I have that I've known about for quite some time, in which I must create a powerpoint with minimum text on each slide and memorize 10 minutes of information to go along with it.  However, I've also been depressed for quite some time.  Whenever I'm depressed, it's really hard for me to focus on big projects like that (not that I'm saying it's just me who gets like this), so I was trying to take it slowly and work on it a little bit at a time.  The due date got close, and I felt an urgency to hurry and get it done, and I tried, but because I knew it wasn't strictly due the next day, I couldn't.  I kept panicking about the due date, hating myself, and legitimately trying to get it done, but at the end of every day I found myself hating myself again because hardly any of it was done.. again.  Now I'm much more depressed and just thinking about it makes me feel miserable.  It's due tomorrow and I only have about 2 1/2 minutes of presentation done, and my slide is a cluttered mess.  I'm not going to school tomorrow just so that I can work on it all day.

Solo/ensemble is in a couple weeks (I play the viola).  I haven't practiced enough and I feel like I can't be ready in time.  Most of my peers are entering into division one (the highest level), but I am entering into division two (not actually sure if it's "division", can't remember right now), because one needs a piano accompaniment to participate in division one and I did not know of this until it was too late to ask anyone.  I haven't even gotten as much time to practice because of my grandfather's condition before death and the funeral after (I even had to cancel my private lessons today).  I feel like I can't let myself do badly with this because I'll be humiliating myself for not only doing badly in such a simple contest, but doing badly a level below everyone else.

I got home today and cried more for myself than for my grandpa, which made me get angry at myself and cry even harder.  I went to my room and ignored reality for a while by finishing up "Princess Tutu" with its last three episodes.  I wander around the house for a little while before my mother gets home and I take her computer up to my room (hers has Powerpoint, mine doesn't) in the hopes that I'll at one point during the night feel emotionally well enough to get some work done.  I'm given a stack of papers which are my make-up work.  It includes what looks like a couple hours of work and a drawing assignment.  I know teachers get bad drawings all the time with drawing assignments and that I'm not supposed to worry about it, but even so, with every one I spend a lot of hours stressing out about it, and end up turning in an embarrassingly bad effort anyway.  I hate letting anyone see my drawings and so turning one in to a teacher and then, possibly, having a student pass it back to me makes me want to assume the fetal position in a corner.

I decide to screw my normal health precautions and eat everything I usually wouldn't.  I had multiple slices of pizza, yogurt filled with sugar, apple sauce filled with high fructose corn syrup, potato chips, a little bit of nutella, and some milk straight from the jug.  I was a bit disappointed that we didn't have something more unhealthy (besides some special ice cream which is so unbelievably unhealthy that I can't even fathom why they would do such a thing, and which I would never let myself eat no matter how sad I was).  I've heard that bad food before bed gives you bad dreams, chocolate gives you nightmares, and milk promotes fitful sleep, (the last I've had experience with myself, and the second I'm told people around me have had experience with, but who knows, that may have just been because, since we had already heard about the effects, we subconsciously did it ourselves, if you know what I mean) so I always try not to eat/drink them any time near bedtime (this was late in the afternoon).

I then go back upstairs and read some webcomics because the thought of doing my biology still makes me want to regurgitate everything I'd eaten.  A little while later, my mother comes upstairs and scolds me for not doing my work that I'm so far behind on.  I feel like I can't explain to her why I can't, when I've been making such a big deal of why I need the extra time tomorrow to do it.  After she leaves, I try to work on it for a small bit before becoming fed up with everything, and the worse of my depression starts coming back, and I think to myself, "what is the one thing that will make me happy for a little while and help me forget about everything else?", and I think of Detective Conan.

So, on my own computer, I start to watch the re-subbed episode 118 from where I'd left off, because I never finished it.  However, just a few minutes in, my older, stronger brother comes in, tells me to do my homework, and takes my computer.  So I still have a computer, just not my computer, with my steam games, bookmarks, and downloaded anime.

...And that is the story of why I cried about being forced to stream an episode of Detective Conan.

I'm sorry about such a big, whiny post.  I felt like I could handle everything emotionally, even if it was really hard, but that funeral added the final weight and now I feel like my bones are crushing under the pressure.  Why does everything I write have to be so dramatically worded?

...The re-post is a lot longer than the original.  How did that happen?

By the way, did you catch the sudden switch from past to present tense in there? >.>

[Suutashi]

Holy crap I am going to scream.

I just spent a LOT of time writing a post here and going over it, editing and revising it, worrying about what to put in and leave out.  It was a big wall of text that probably on a couple people would read.. and then.. Without saving the text anywhere else, I click "post", and I get "Website Currently Unavailable
The website you are trying to access is currently unavailable. Please try again at a later time.

If you are the site owner, review the following resource to help resolve the issue."

NOOOOO!

I'll re-type it here if I'm not too lazy..

I had that happen about five to ten minutes ago. It was annoying!

[Akonyl]

for a second, I thought it was Wednesday and was like "nooo it's supposed to be Thursday why is the week so long"

and then it was Thursday.

\o/

[mangaluva]

Gaaaaaaaaaah, I feel so damn unfit! I'm actually dying after all the planking in rehearsal (not geek planking. Dance planking. It huuuuuuuuuuuurts). I so need to go to the gym more. When my ribs stop hurting.

[nomemory]

Why is getting money so hard? I am entitled to them yet they always mess up my application so I have to re-apply. Not to mention all those papers that need to be signed by me, then by the school, then they have to lie around for at least a week before anyone looks at them. And then they tell me I need to sign more papers or that I only study at 75% (which I do not), and then there are some more papers. I started this application process in August, if I am lucky I will get money next month, but only 75%. And it is not like there was much money to begin with..

Edit: Writing is so stressing, please kill me now Seriously, all progress since last time is lost. I won't write any more for today though. Almost throwing up twice is enough.

[Conia]

*hugs for nome and graywolf *

[Graywolf]

An update.  My extra day didn't even help that much.  It's like I try to work on my biology but it just ends up not happening every time.  I can't focus like that.  However, I talked to my Biology teacher this morning and he was super understanding about it and he will let me turn it in on Monday instead.  *wipes sweat from brow*

Everything seems to be straightening out.