Once upon a time, in a town...not far from yours there lived a young man. He was a complicated man, a very outspoken man, and a man who was looking for the perfect woman....this is the story of how this complicated and outspoken man decided he was going to find the right woman for him. Or perhaps the way he was forced to find the perfect woman for him...(as the narrator covers her mouth in a giggle fit.)
You see, if it wasn't for the fact of the bit of backstory in the way he began looking in the first place it would just be easy for him to do it, but NO he had to be difficult and find the longest possible way to do such a thing. He was living in a little place with his good friend and his wife but the problem was the house was becoming crowded with their family and the man was according to the wife 'hogging space.' I promise this story will have a happy ending...it just doesn't seem like it at the moment. The man was kicked out of the place he was living being told that he could return 'only if he finds someone that could make him happy.'
The man didn't like this condition, conditions meant he'd have to do something productive to find what he needed, which he didn't mind doing for the most part because he had once almost decided he was going to take over the world and failed miserably, which was the reason he was living with the pair and their now three children in the first place. With his trusty steed Conchord he started his journey, to find the girl who would help him, the girl who would let him be welcomed back into the family.
The man was known to be a quiet sort, one who wouldn't talk to anyone in particular unless he was bored or just really wanted to speak to someone, so when the young woman stopped him in his travels he was speechless. She was a beautiful woman, but she also was one who liked to play games.
"There is a game that I wish you to play in order for you to win my heart, you shall have three tasks and they will not be easy, one will be a physical task, one will be a mental task, and one will be a game...I will say no more than that. Do you wish to accept this challenge?"
The man smirked, "I'll take any challenge you throw at me milady." he said.
"I'll see you at the end then sir." she said as she ran off.
"Well this shouldn't be too hard." the man said as he and his trusty steed took off into the wilderness. He rode on for five days before he found out what his physical challenge was. The girl was there once more, and she was standing near the entrance to a cave. "You actually found me again sir, I guess it much be time for your first challenge eh?"
The man was in a good mood, he was curious as to what the challenge was, he was also kind of freaked out as well, but he wasn't going to say that. "What does this challenge entail milady?" he asked.
"You need to get something from in that cave and where you're going to get it from, well he might decide he might want to chase you out. So, if you want to win my heart, you must get the scale of a dragon..."
"Excuse me, say WHAT!?!?!?!?!"
"Scale of a dragon....you may begin, I'll see you again soon if you well, don't die."
The man was freaking out, it was like he was going to die and he realized it. "I can do this, I really can." He entered the cave...
What he saw he didn't expect, he saw a dragon. A literal dragon, not a little like komodo dragon, which in all sense of the word not all that small. Big, green, dragon like you would hear about in the fairy tales. "I'm going to die..." he said as he creeped up close to the dragon. "I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die." he repeated softly, as he got closer.
The dragon was breathing slowly as if it were sleeping so that was a plus in his eyes. He searched around for a scale, and he found one on the ground. "So it's cheating slightly, I did come in and get the scale." he said as there was a slight breathing on his neck...
His head....is literally near my neck....I'm so going to die!!!!!
The man took a bit of a run getting out of there just in time for the dragon to wake up. He didn't make it out of the cave though, he barely got out but his rear end got burned because the dragon got a little feisty and decided to blow some fire at him, hoping to roast him.
"Congratulations, sir. You have done what I have asked. Now you only have the logic, and the actual game...." she said walking away.
The man took another month before he met the second challenge. "Congratulations sir, you have found me again. So, have a seat."
"The second task is a chess game!" she said softly.
"Well that shouldn't be difficult." he said with a grin, "Who will I be playing with then?"
"This is my friend Igor, he's quite smart for being someone so giant, if you beat him though you better be careful because he's quite the sore loser."
"So technically it's another physical challenge mixed with something I actually care about, very nice way to go about it." he said with a grin.
"Well, if you want to win my heart, the game, it has to be played." she said smiling at him. "I will be sitting in the sidelines watching." she said as she walked to a place in the grass and sat down as the two played.
The man didn't think that the giant would be good at chess. In fact, everything he's learned about giants led him to believe they were stupid creatures, but boy was he wrong here, he was very wrong. He thought he had lost the game, he came really close to it in fact several times, the two moving the pieces around the board as if they were dancing (the pieces not so much the two manfolk in question.) Suddenly, as if on cue, the man yelled, "Checkmate."
The giant looked down at the board, he looked at Callid, and back down to the board again almost as if he were confused. "I don't understand...I had you." he said voice getting louder as he went along. The man took this as a cue to stand, look at the woman who smiles and mouthed "See you at the next task," and ran away before the giant even knew that the man was gone. What the man didn't hear was the long cries of the giant, who could have just as well of been a giant five year old at the way he was acting.
The man only had one task to go, and it took almost three months to find out what it was. Because the girl in question was the game's prize. The man found himself stuck between his girl, (or the girl that he wanted to take as his bride) and a band of pirates.
"We may have a game ye may like. It's called Diplomacy."
"Oooo, ooo, I love this game." the man said with an evil smirk.
"If we win, we take the girl and throw you off the ship with nothing but the shame of losin' this pitiful game, if you win, you get the girl, and we leave you alone. That a deal?"
"It's a deal." the man said. He had to leave Conchord behind because the pirates were certainly not going to let him bring a horse aboard their ship, seriously they would probably try to kill it first. For those who don't know, Diplomacy is one of those games where you could play for days and still not win....
Hours turned to days, days turned to weeks, the game still hadn't ended by the month long point on the ship. Sure, a few of the pirates didn't think things through and surrendered, but the man and one pirate carried on. The man looked down at what he was going to do, he kept to himself and the pirate did the same. The pirate was on the losing end. It was something he wasn't much of a fan of but he lived with it, there were ways he could come back.
"And with this month long battle of wills over. I win!" the man said pullng out results that nobody in their right minds could understand. The pirate looked over the maps, looks at his actions, and sighed. "Sorry nom, he beat me." he said looking over at the girl. "Looks like your plan worked."
"Nom, that's your name?" the man asked.
"You know it's annoying calling you sir all the time, do you have a proper name?"
"It's Callid." he said as the two left the ship after it came to a port. The man was happy, he thought the girl, I mean nom was happy, and everything turned out the way it was supposed to. The only difference was, was Callid didn't have to go back to his friend's place, because he secretly stole some gold off the pirate and bought a little house for nom and himself before he decided to propose later on. See ladies and gentlemen, I told you it was going to be a happy ending didn't I?
)
Dedicated to Yuriko, my Christmas fanfic... "The Case of the Falling Conia!"
(you can use them as avvies if you like, you have to resize them tho)
(I also want to know the sender of my avatar!)
