DCTP Forums

FOREWORD

The following information you're about to read are proven factual and true. These are the results of the hard work and dedication of Detective bluekaitou1412, who pledged to uncover the truth behind baka1412.



This is his story, his legacy of being a proud lolicon.

DEDICATION

I dedicate this research material to Mr. Onion Rhapsody. May you rest in peace.



FILE ONE - BAKA1412

(excerpts from Haibara Ai: Watching out for Lolis)

"...and he likes me, sometimes to an infinite extent. Together he and Parkur will raid little girl's houses, and post my pics on bulletin boards..."

"...what a loli baka1412 is, full of enthusiasm..."

"...he thought that if he calls Batman, he can catch that elusive phantom, and he were right..."

"...darn it, baka1412 stole my undies again. I'll get him back next time..."

"...he was running from Edogawa-kun again, he was caught peeking on me..."

(an excerpt from Batman: Call me)

"...got a call in the middle of the night, this unknown person ordering me to trap a certain phantom named bluekaitou1412 in a back alley in exchange for a couple of Ai-shaped cookies... I reluctantly agreed, only when he said he'll add some butter cookies too..."

(an excerpt from The Grand List of Lolis)

"...one of them is baka1412, certified loli... he'll get what he wants... a formidable enemy..."


FILE TWO - WIRE-TAPPING

(February 23)

8:47 AM baka1412: You ready?
             unknown: Yes.
             baka1412: Let's go.

9:16 PM baka1412: Job well done, I suppose.
             unknown: We almost got caught, dammit!
             baka1412: Don't worry, I got the pictures!
             unknown: Just make sure I'll get copies.
             baka1412: You'll get Ayumi's.
             unknown: Kay.

Note: This unknown caller, after days of research is proven to be no other than Schillok.

(February 24)

12:00 AM baka1412: Can I order one box of Italian pizza?
               Pizza hotline: Okay sir. We'll be there in 15 minutes.
             
1:22 AM baka1412: Can I borrow some of your doujins? I can't access the internet.
             kirite: Why call this early?
             baka1412: I can't help it. I wanna read now.
             kirite: Okay, be there in a sec.
             baka1412: We'll have pizza. Don't forget to bring the Ai ones!
             kirite: Gotcha.

5:17 AM baka1412: Hello?
             unknown: Beware. Someone is listening to your calls.
             baka1412: Who's this?
             unknown: An ally.
             baka1412: LISTEN YOU PRANK CALLER! DON'T CALL ME AGAIN!

Note: We're currently investigating the whereabouts of the prank caller. I was afraid we'll be caught.

(February 25)

10:00 AM baka1412: What?! He escaped?
               Police officer: Yes, just this morning.
               baka1412: Curse you, bluekaitou!!!!!!

10: 05 AM baka1412: Hello, Tools and Wires? I need some knives and flamethrowers.
                Tools & Wires: Ok, sir, anything else?
                baka1412: You throw in three bullet-proof vests and an AK47.
                Tools & Wires: We'll mail it right away, sir.

11: 59 AM baka1412: Hey, help me! I'm sure he'll hunt me down!
                Batman: That's your problem, not min-- *loud gunshot*
                baka1412: Batman? What happened?
                Batman: You gotta hide... he's here... he got me... ouch! He cut off my leg!
                baka1412: SHIT!


FILE THREE - SURVEILLANCE (narrated by bluekaitou1412)

And so... baka1412 ran for his life, aware that he'll be my target.

After days of traveling cross-country, he felt safe for the first time, in Japan. Once there he met a lot of young girls, and he decided to make them his disciples.

Now, having such loyal minions and feeling so sure of himself, he wreaked havoc in that country and he spread the loli madness.

He ate sushi, and battled against Pokemon. He also played soccer and courted almost all the little girls in that country, calling and seducing them with such sweet words and the promise of candy.
He ordered people around bossily and slept in his stomach in the middle of the road, interrupting the flow of traffic.

It was like heaven for him. With such cute girls in his side, he felt he can do anything.

Unfortunately, his days of being carefree didn't last long. One day, he wanted something to eat and so he ate some poisoned cookies made by mangaluva. At first it was good, but he suddenly went and right after. One by one, things happened unexpectedly. His house got crowded with little girls and it went down. A lot happened afterwards, full of misery hatred and sorrow that it pains me to write it in here, and so I didn't.

He got bored... and so he went back to his evil ways, cursing people, back-stabbing shotacons, and having mysterious calls late at night.

He was featured in the news right after as one of the most insane lolis ever. He got buried in hate letters ever since.



AFTERWORD

Chronicling the life and deeds of baka1412 was definitely difficult, but it was worth it.

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

I would like to acknowledge the ff. personalities who helped in my research: Aokaitou, Ao-chan, and Ao-kun.
I would also like to send my regards to the JDC and the BO, for their never-ending support.

Special thanks to ranger and his trap card.

To Ms. Haibara Ai, I hope you don't mind me using your book.

REFERENCES

Top-Secret Files: Baka1412 by bluekaitou1412 (2010)
Haibara Ai: Watching Out For Lolis by Haibara Ai (2010)
The Grand List of Lolis by Parkur (2009)
Batman: Call me by Batman (2010)
Guiness Book of Lolis by B.K. 1412 (2008)
Most Notable Lolis of the 21st Century by ranger (2008)
Japan Domination Commitee's Logbook by JDC Staff (2009)
DCTP: Off-Topic Board by DCTP (2010)
Hairy Pooper and the Deathly Lolis by B.K. Prowling (1991)
Wire-tapping for Dummies by Xcommando (2009)
How to Spy on a Loli by baka1412 (2007)
Onion Emoticons by Mr. Onion Rhapsody (2005)
How to do Witty Remarks by Akonyl (2007)
Hate for Pairing Threads by kkslider (2005)
Stalking your Prey by TheBlind (2009)
Poisoned Cookies and its Effects on Lolis by mangaluva (2009)
a short tale of -bluekaitou1412- by baka1412 (2010)
Creative Writing: How to Make a Simple Sentence Overly-Dramatic by Aokaitou (2010)
Creative Writing: How to Make Lies Sound Like the Truth by Aokaitou (2010)


All Rights Reserved 2010

Son uv a b**

Where the hell did you get those all those information ?

This is a dream.. I'm sure this is just a dream !

I plead my innocence ! I'm Innocence !!

I don't have to kill you now, seeing how you're being stressed out...

Revenge is sweet.

Baka-kun, you've just got PWNED!

That is... quite epic... XDXDXDXD (bwahahaha! My poison cookies did their purpose well...)

mangaluva wrote: (bwahahaha! My poison cookies did their purpose well...)

I thank you for that.

*notices there are some dangerous people in here*
*closes curtain and asks his friend to speed the implementation of MaJuS 4*

I've always knew Phones where evil 

note to self dont cross bluekaitou1412

lol damn that was pretty awesome,

i lol'd at the part with Schillok, LOL haha "you get the ayumi pics"

your welcome for the trap card.

ranger wrote:

Spoiler:

Also, can someone fill me in with the ao stuff?  I think I must of missed the topic about it

That was so awkward that I couldn't bear to read it.

Umandsf wrote: That was so awkward that I couldn't bear to read it.

Awkward is the new black


whatever black that is

bluekaitou1412 wrote: Wire-tapping for Dummies by Xcommando (2009)

I just noticed I'm in the references, and I wrote a book in my sleep. ;D That explains my English grade being an A.

bluekaitou1412 wrote: Poisoned Cookies and its Effects on Lolis by mangaluva (2009)

heh, I wrote a book too. And it's on cooking. Can't imagine why I failed Home Ec.