Okay, finished reading!Critiquing: The Search for the Scroll by CoolKid94
I think this was written well. No grammar issues or typos as far as I could see (besides one). I like the world building so far (or at least the issue of race seems to be kinda prominent in the environment of the characters). Characters and dialogue were fine too, and the descriptions (especially in the prologue) were quite good.
The prologue gave some fantastical elements to look forward to, so I was kinda disappointed we didn't get back to those elements as of yet, but well... only first 5700 words, so I suppose it's a bit too soon for that. Initially after reading the prologue, I thought maybe you could do without it and add the information from there later in the novel, but since the fantastical elements didn't surface yet, after reading the whole thing I suppose the prologue should stay. I'm not sure how common it is, but I sort of expected the objective/omniscient point of view from the prologue to switch into subjective/limited point of view as of chapter 1.
As far as I can get, this is basically a YA-ish novel, and this is where I'm kinda biased I suppose, since I'm not really into YA. I couldn't help but feel that Steve, as a protagonist, felt a bit on the passive side. So far his only shining moment for me was when he stood up to the girls.
Hannah's characterization on the other hand is pretty good.
Several things I was a bit unsure of:
1) Why does Hannah ask Steve to help her? They've only met and it seems like the stuff Hannah does is quite dangerous. Even though Steve proved himself capable against the bullies and has an officer dad, it still seems a bit too quick. Is she desperate for help or company?
2) What's Steve's motivation to agree to help her?
There's also another issue I have (not a major one), but that might be a very personal stylistic preference, so I want to wait and see if other people mention it too before I say something that might be unnecessary.
That confused Steve. It wasn’t the MO of any street gang to just leave aggressors alone. “Why?” was all he muster in response.
A grammar issue, I think.
The class had drawn topics of a hat, but by sheer coincidence Hannah had received the exact same topic he had. It was a sad read, to be honest, since she talked about how hard it was living with just her mother, although she was happy to have her.
I find the bolded part a bit unnecessary cause it's a third person narrator, so unless the narrator is going end up mattering at some point, this sudden input by the narrator is a bit confusing.
He was interrupted from his thoughts by a loud chorus of complaining that had suddenly erupted. On the screen (which was built into the desk), another essay had appeared, one that had not been written by him.
Since this is the only spot (so far) in which there are parentheses, I suggest to get rid of them and put that tiny bit of info in another place. You did a good job at explaining and describing stuff so far, so that one spot with parentheses just feels a bit awkward.
Beyond that, good job so far!
Gonna edit the title of the thread and edit the first post.