Commi-Ninja wrote:CoolKid94:[spoiler=The Search for the Scrolls]It starts off with a queen dropping off a baby girl, who turns out not to be human at all, to someone with whom she has made a deal, and somehow this girl and her twin are extremely important, as they're the last of their kind. Then it jumps to Steve, a boy at the beginning of his high school career. He has a connection with the person for whom he is grading/peer-editing an essay, though he doesn't know who she is in person. There is an incident on the school bus involving racial tension, and Steve and Hannah get involved and end up in the police station. They bond over their shared experience and their English papers, and eventually Hannah asks Steve to join her on her mission. She works for the police, sort of, and Steve's father, who is a policeman, is strangely okay with Steve helping Hannah. They're trying to bust a counterfeiting operation. They get into the warehouse/building and snoop around, but have to quickly hide when the gang members return.
I was thinking that somehow Hannah and Steve are the twins from the beginning, especially considering their shared paper topic out of the blue like that and similar personalities. I'm interested to see how they're connected to the queen and the events of the prologue. I didn't understand why Steve's dad was so okay with Steve going with Hannah to get the evidence of counterfeiting. As a police officer himself, I can't imagine he would be okay with his son putting himself in that kind of potential danger. Especially when his only backup is another teenager and Steve is only fourteen (I'm assuming). Logically, it doesn't make sense.
I didn't like that the editing scene was so long. There was nothing going on, really, no tension. Obviously, I don't know the whole story, so I don't know how potentially important it is for establishing the characters, but it could be summarized a bit more or made more active. Sitting at a computer typing, regardless of what is going on in one's head, is pretty passive. Maybe someone in class is making a ruckus or maybe the computers all spontaneously crash and everyone loses all their work. Something to propel the characters into action.[/spoiler]
mangaluva wrote:Or in entering this?
http://www.barefictionmagazine.co.uk/co ... ons/rules/
Anyone interested in resurrecting this thread?
Terry Pratchett wrote:The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
presumenothing wrote:killing the entire akai family must be quite the challenging task, you'd first have to figure out who they are...
Stopwatch wrote:It's summer holidays now so except for a few things I'm mostly free now which means I can actually read through and say stuff about some of the stories if anyone is still interested?
Kamite wrote:Are there any writing contest in the America?
Kamite wrote:Also I want to submit a story here that I wrote two years ago. If anyone doesn't mind.
Kamite wrote:Is around 750 words.
And what works do I critique?
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