Looking for a Beta Reader

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Shiromi
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Looking for a Beta Reader

Postby Shiromi » November 11th, 2013, 1:41 am

Hello! I'm looking for someone well-versed in DC canon, and who has an excellent eye for English grammar. I figured this would be a good place to look.

The fanfic isn't done yet (I'm doing it for NaNoWriMo), but I've already gotten the plot hashed out in fairly good detail, and I do expect to be able to finish it in time. Then I'll post it here for everyone to see.

Title: The Awaking and Arising - Okiagari
“We can be both of God and Devil, since we are trying to raise the dead against the stream of time.”
–Vermouth

Summary:
Sonoko brings Ran (with Conan and Kogorou in tow) and Masumi along with her to an island resort her family is having a get together at. While there, Conan finds a homeless teenager, who is an escaped subject of the organization's inhumane experiments. Then Ran breaks up with Shinichi. With new information and no reason to hold onto his old life, Conan starts laying out a trap to take down the organization, and the lure is Shinichi Kudou's funeral.

Non-canon pairings: Conan/Ai, Ran/Sonoko (Though the story starts out with canon pairings, these just happen during the story.)

Warnings: Lots of gore, angst, death, a few original characters, and one zombie. And my grammar can really suck at times.

You don't need to be able to speak any Japanese at all to edit this fanfic. I despise random Japanese in fanfics. I also won't use any Japanese honorifics. None. The only language you will need to be able to speak is English.

So, anyone interested in betaing my fanfic-in-progress?
My DC Fanfic: Awaking and Arising - Shiromi writes her version of the end of the series. With 100% more lesbians and immortal zombie boys. And existential crises. Lots of them.
Kogorou - A character study that seeks to answer the question: Why is Kogorou the way he is?
A Kindred Spirit - Sonoko and Makoto realize that they have more in common than previously realized.
DC Fanfic Rants

Betareading this fanfic: Deception
Shiromi
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Re: Looking for a Beta Reader

Postby Shiromi » November 17th, 2013, 5:01 pm

I'm much closer to completion (just hit 30,000 words!) and have things planned out to the point that I'm filling gaps now, writing the more boring but necessary scenes. So, here's some of the scenes! I hope they catch someone's interest, because I really need a beta reader.

Spoiler: "Sonoko/Ran because I'm weird and I don't see any fanfics with that pairing. Also Shinichi get's his ego severely bruised."
Kogorou came around the side of the house, spotted Conan and said, “Go round up the girls; it’s dinner time!”

He hopped off the chair, and went inside. He heard voices coming out of the bedroom as he approached the door. They were Ran and Sonoko’s, and both were speaking softly, and slightly muffled. He heard Ran say his name, and stopped before entering, to listen in.

“—confessed, and I know I should answer him, but… I don’t know anymore. We’ve been apart for too long.”

Something in his chest panged, and he dropped to his knees. It sounded like… it couldn’t mean… was she going to break up with him? Was she falling out of love with him? Paralyzed and ashamed, he listened for more.

Sonoko wasn’t helping, she was agreeing. “I know, right? I’ve been in this relationship with Makoto for months now, and I’ve seen him only a handful of times. Long distance relationships suck. Half the time I wonder if our relationship is just some fantasy playing out in my head.”

“Yeah, and when I do see him,” Ran added, “he leaves suddenly, without saying goodbye, with nothing resolved. In London, if he’d just stayed around for a little longer, I probably would have said yes.” She released a long sigh. “But when he vanished again, I was reminded, he’s the one who isn’t there. How can I have a relationship with someone I can’t even touch?”

“Ugh, that! That so much that!” Sonoko said loudly. “Makoto doesn’t really let me touch him when he’s here, and he’s always telling me what to wear or how to act… sometimes I think he’s not in a relationship with me at all, but some caricature he dreamed up. If we could spend more time together, and he got to know me better, maybe we could start having a real relationship. We haven’t even kissed yet, and we’ve been together for months!”

“Together being only in the loosest meaning of the term. At least he’s honest with you. Shinichi is close by, always, but he doesn’t show his face to me, and he lies constantly.”

“Oh Ran!” Sonoko cried. There was sounds of movement on the bed, muffled sobs. Conan’s heart sank further. He was making her cry. He leaned against the wall, his own tears dripping down his face. Why did this have to be so hard?

Finally Ran spoke again, her voice slightly choked. “I know I told him I’d wait, but it’s been almost two years now.”

“It’s unreasonable.” Sonoko’s voice sounded a little husky, like she’d been holding back her own tears. “He hasn’t thought about your feelings at all in this.”

‘Yes I have!’ Conan wanted to scream. ‘That’s why I lie, why I beg you to wait for me!’

“It’s as though he can’t trust me,” Ran said. “During Valentine’s Day last year, he took this picture…” Sounds of her cellphone’s beeps echoed about the room. “See? He was there, but he didn’t let me see him.”

“Do you know if,” Sonoko began hesitantly, “He gets most of his information about you from Conan, right? It’s like he’s having Conan spy on you. Conan worships him so much that I bet he does it without realizing what it means…”

Is that what it seems like on the outside?

“For a long time, I’ve suspected, even though it seems completely implausible… and don’t laugh at me Sonoko when I say this! I think Conan and Shinichi are the same person.”

A muffled laugh. “You’re right, that is completely implausible, but it’d make sense, wouldn’t it? You said it yourself: he’s always close, but never shows himself.”

“They have the same blood type too, same as me. I was able to give him a blood transfusion when he was shot… but that could just be a coincidence. It’s statistically possible, as Shinichi would say, but improbable, because it’s so rare.”

“Maybe Conan is Shinichi’s dad’s secret love child.”

It was Ran’s turn to laugh. “I really couldn’t picture Shinichi’s dad cheating on his mom.”

“Hey, it’s possible they have an open marriage. They are awful weird, and they’re also gone most of the time, so who knows what they get up to?”

“Then they’d have to lie about being polyamorous, lie about Conan being related to them; it’d be no wonder if Shinichi feels like lying is the way to go about things.” Ran sounded a bitter at the last statement.

“Yeah, that makes a lot more sense. Also him name: Conan Edogawa. It’s like a mystery nerd’s online alias. Mr. Kudou probably named him,” Sonoko giggled.

“Yeah… their family situation is weird.” More squeaks of bedsprings and shifting of sheets could be heard. “His parents came by one time to pick him up, and he didn’t even recognize them. He needs his real mother, and I don’t think I can…”

“It’s a lot of responsibility. I don’t think I could do what you do. You’re amazing, you know that?”

Something had changed in Sonoko’s voice. It wasn’t her tone when fangirling over something, this was more intimate. Do girls really talk like this to eachother when they’re alone?

Sonoko continued, “You’ve made incredible accomplishments in karate, your grades are good, you take care of your dad, and a little orphan who’s too smart for his own good and gets into trouble all the time. I don’t think most people could do what you do. I wish Shinichi could see what I see in you.”

“Thanks, Sonoko. I wish that Makoto would see what I see in you too. You’re always kind, always making everyone around you happier, and when you’re excited about something, I can’t help but get excited with you. Just being near you makes me happy. You’re the best friend I could ever hope for.”

A soft sound followed, like a large raindrop hitting the ground. Conan suddenly felt nauseous, and confused. That sound, why… why there… between them… He couldn’t listen any more. He got up, and grabbed the door handle.

“Sometimes,” Sonoko said softly.

Conan stopped. He felt dread hang over him, and he couldn’t move. What if he saw them?

“Sometimes I think we’re in more of a relationship than we are with our boyfriends.”

“Yeah.”

Stop agreeing with her Ran!

“I should call Shinichi, make things clear. I owe him that much.”

“Ran,” Sonoko said suddenly, a slight nervous edge to her voice. “Do you think that we’re… like… that?”

Shinichi… Conan couldn’t take it anymore. He burst into the room and ran over to the bed. Ran and Sonoko jumped apart, but it was too late, he’d seen them lying side by side, their faces close, hands entwined. Their cheeks were red.


Spoiler: "For the Kaitou KID fans, here's his recruitment scene"
Kaitou KID snickered to himself as his skipped up the street back to his house. He’d managed to outsmart the foureyed brat and Hakuba. Foureyes hadn’t even appeared at his escape route. Had he left partway through? Meh, it didn’t matter. He’d made a flawless escape, and managed to not get beaten up by crazed martial arts girls, a soccer ball lodged in his back, or fall from any great heights. Humming a cheerful tune, he threw open the front door and tossed his black baseball cap onto the hat wrack, knowing it had hit its mark without needing to see it. He flicked off his shoes and reached for his slippers, and heard the lock on the door clicking into place. That didn’t make sense, that lock wasn’t automatic. Something struck him in the back. It made his legs go limp for a moment and knocked him to the floor. He twisted around to see what it was. A strong pair of hands grabbed his wrist and shoulder and slammed him back to the floor, hard. Flickering lights swam before his eyes.

He tried to release a streamer into his attacker’s face with his spare hand, but a knee came down on his back, and his other wrist was grabbed. He was caught. It was physically impossible to get free without doing some major damage to a few joints. “Get rid of his coat, he may have more tricks stuffed inside!” a high pitched voice commanded. It was like a child’s. No way… it couldn’t be… The strong hands stripped off his coat and pinned his arms behind him.

“He’s really flexible,” a woman’s voice said from above. “See how far I can twist before there’s resistance?”

“Come on, Ran, don’t break him. He’ll be no use to us then.”

No doubt about it. This was the foureyed demon and his older sister, Ran Mouri. He stopped struggling. “What…” it was difficult to breathe with his arms like this. “…the hell... are you doing… in my house?”

The lights flicked on. “Catching Kaitou KID. You shouldn’t struggle… Kaitou KID recently stripped her girlfriend naked and locked her in the bathroom. She’s still a little mad, if you haven’t noticed.”

“I’m… not…”

Conan’s bespeckled face with a hideous grin came into view. He dangled Kaitou’s latest sparkling score in front of his eyes. “Don’t waste our time denying it. I’m going to offer you a trade. You are going to save a bunch of peoples’ lives. In exchange, we’re not going to report you tonight, and you won’t be Kaitou KID anymore.”

It did sound like a good deal. If you didn’t take into account the last deal he’d entered into with the little demon, which ended with him nearly getting blown up. “Let go… of me… and maybe.” To his surprise, the weight lifted from his back, and his arms were released. He sat up, shaking off the pain in his arms and taking a few welcome, deep breaths. “You’re a little sadist, you know that?” he hissed at the demon.

“I have control issues. So, Kaito Kuroba, will you help us out?” That kid couldn’t stop grinning. Smug little imp.

“I have some conditions of my own.” He dusted of his knees and started to head farther into the house, but Ran Mouri caught his arm. “Please come in. You know my identity; so I can’t exactly run from you.”

A few minutes later they were sitting around the kitchen table, sipping tea, as though they were normal guests.

“So, what’s your counter offer?” the foureyed demon sadist asked. He was sitting on top of a few books so he could see over the table and reach his tea cup. It’d be funny if the kid wasn’t so terrifying.

“I’m clearly getting involved into something that’s absurdly dangerous, based on what I went through last time I helped you out. I, also, am involved in something absurdly dangerous, and I can’t stop being Kaitou KID until it’s done. So, I help you solve your dangerous problem; you help me solve my dangerous problem. That’s a far more even trade than letting me go on a few heists.”

“If you survive, yes. And we won’t turn you in. Deal?”

“Wait – one more thing. I need to be read in. I’m not going into this blind.”

The two frowned at him. “I don’t know,” Ran said. “Knowing puts you in a lot more danger. I wasn’t read in until last week, and we’ve been living together for the past two years. These people we’re going against won’t hesitate to kill you, your family, and your friends if they get an inkling that you know.”

“Would that change anything if I get killed or captured by them anyway?”

“You cannot tell anyone, anyone. This is a secret that you must take to your grave,” Conan added, his demonic smile sliding into a stiff line of pain and fear.

He looked directly into Conan’s little blue eyes, matching the seriousness. “I have experience with those. When I read you into my dangerous problem, you’ll have to do the same for me. I won’t tell anyone, unless you direct me to. Agreed?”

Ran and Conan nodded.

“So,” he sat back in his chair. “Whose life am I saving this time?”

Ran set her tea cup down delicately. “My parents.”

Both? That didn’t make sense. Mr. Mouri was a buffoon, and Eri Kisaki wasn’t the type to be involved in something dangerous. “How’d they get mixed up with those men on the train?”

“They didn’t.” Conan looked down, staring forlornly into his tea. “They got mixed up with me. Remember what Ran said about family and friends getting killed?”

He glanced back and forth between the two. “How immediate is the danger?”

“Not now. Pretty soon though, in three weeks. At that time,” Conan gulped, “I’m going to be declared officially dead, and a death certificate will be issued.”

That really didn’t make sense. Conan looked very much alive.

“It’s on purpose. They know that someone’s been working against them, and I’m going to give them a target to take out, and draw them out. Then we can take down the militant wing of the organization, and hopefully get enough information from the survivors to end it for good.”

“How do I figure into this?”

“You’re going to help disguise the agents so they can get close enough to surprise the assassins. My mom is helping the Oosaka team, and can’t be in two places at once.”

His disguise abilities, again. “Please tell me I’m not going to be dressing up as someone they want to kill this time…”

The kid laughed. “Not if I can help it. You’re more useful alive.”

“Gee thanks. That’s a great comfort.”

They sat a moment in uncomfortable silence, broken by the kid standing on the pile of books and bowing. “It’s time that I introduced myself. Hello, my name is Shinichi Kudou. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

Shinichi Kudou? Wasn’t he that highschool detective that vanished a few years back? There was no way that this little kid could be him.

The kid must have noticed his confusion, so he continued. “Two years ago, when on a date with Ran at the theme park, I saw some suspicious men pulling a blackmail transaction. I was ambushed, and force fed a new poison that was supposed to kill me without leaving a trace. Instead, I became this. I’ve been hiding my identity ever since, and I finally have the information and connections necessary to bring them down.” He slammed his fist on the table, rattling their cups. He was clenching his teeth. “In three weeks, Shinichi Kudou will be dead, and they will know that he’s been working against them. Then they will try to plug all leaks, and walk straight into our trap.”

Kaito knew that pain, and that anger. He’d been tasting it for years now, every time he put on his father’s uniform. “My father was murdered,” he said suddenly. “It wasn’t an accident, it was murder. He was killed by people who wanted him to find and steal a very special gem for them. He refused, and tried to find the gem before them. So, they killed him. I only learned he was Kaitou KID the night of the comeback. For now, they think my father escaped and went into hiding, leaving his family behind. They don’t know it’s me. I’ve been drawing them out at heists, hoping that the police manage to catch them while chasing me, but they’ve only caught a few low-level mooks. Snake, their leader, is still free and still trying to kill me every time I wear my father’s cape. He’s even hired outside help, some nasty assassins that almost got me a few times. If you can use your connections to take down an entire organization like you say you can, I’ll bet you could orchestrate their takedown, with me as the bait.”

Mini-Shinichi Kudou nodded. “What you said matches the research I’ve done on you. If you were doing it for the fun of it, I wouldn’t let you go free after this.”

Kaito shifted uncomfortably. “It’s not as though there isn’t an element of fun to it. I love being a performer, and when this is all over, I’m going to be one of the most sensational magicians in Japan.” He spotted a glint of anger in Kudou’s eyes. “But not as Kaitou KID, I swear! I don’t want to ride on my father’s fame.”

“Anyways,” Kudou said, clearing his tiny throat, and pulling out a little notebook. “Here is a list of all of the people you need to make unrecognizable.” He ripped out a few pages. “Here are all of the people you need to make look like other people, and the people they need to look like. Will that be enough?”

“For their faces, sure. What about clothing?”

“Mourning clothes. The trap is the funeral. The rest should be in street clothing.”

The kid’s tense expression masked a lot of pain. What a dismal, depressing notion – throwing away one’s life, one’s identity. And being forced to live through childhood again, for someone as smart as him, must be hell. He scanned over the list, and noticed some names missing.

“What about you two? Don’t you need to be out of sight for the takedown?”

Ran shook her head. “We can take care of ourselves. Do you want another demonstration?”

“No, no, that’s fine!” an idea that probably shouldn’t have found its way onto his lips, but did anyways, popped into his head. “By the way, which one is your girlfriend? Sera or Sonoko?”

A fist in his gut was her response. “Sonoko,” she said sweetly.

Kaito whimpered. “She does seem to like karate-freaks.”

When Mrs. Kuroba came home, a little drunk but very happy, she found her son and two people she’d never met deep in sketches and papers, planning something. It was 3AM. She made the strange kids go to bed in the guest room, and chased Kaito up to his room.

“Mom,” he said, with the first truly happy smile she’d seen since he’d learned of his father’s murder. “I think we’re finally going to be able to catch Dad’s killers. It’s going to be all over by the time I graduate highschool.”

“Good job dear,” she said, a drunken smile over her face. “Be sure to tell me that again in the morning. Mommy had a little too much fun with her coworkers tonight.” She closed the door to his bedroom, and wandered back to her own. She closed the door, and soaked her pillow with tears.

And my favorite so far:
Spoiler: "Ran versus Bourbon and Gin"
Ran’s ears were ringing. What just happened? She was on the floor. Dust was everywhere, and the acrid scent of burning plastic. An earthquake? No, wrong. The earth wasn’t still shaking. There was so much smoke. Where was it coming from? She looked at the window. The glass had shattered inwards. Good thing she hadn’t been by the window. There was a column of smoke rising outside. An explosion? No, given their situation, a bomb.

Where was Conan? Before the blast, he had been sitting at her desk, making phone calls, using both of his cell phones. She stepped gingerly around the glass. Her winter boots were stored in her closet. Those would help. Conan moaned. The chair had overturned, hiding him from view.

“Conan!” she yelled. Her voice sounded distant and quiet, but he responded, waving his hand. Good, still alive. Where were those boots? She dug through her shoes, many of them old pairs she’d gotten years ago, when her feet were smaller. There. She gripped the heavy, dusty boots and wrenched them out. They were tight, but fit well enough for what she needed.

The phones… Hers was hopelessly broken. One of Conan’s still had a glowing screen, but it was cracked, and unintelligible. The other didn’t respond at all. She stuck the glowing one into her pocket, and picked up Conan. His eyes didn’t seem to want to focus. He kept shaking his head, trying to make them work again. She could hear sounds outside now. Her ears were readjusting. People outside were screaming. The building was creaking.

The floor slumped toward the street. She leapt, Conan under one arm, reaching for her bedroom door with the other, just as half of her bedroom collapsed into the street. The cold night air rushed to greet her and swept away the fumes of the burning lower floors. They were trapped on the two-foot wide strip of floor, wall on one side, burning debris and a 3 story fall on the other.

They’d have to wait. She held Conan tight, wishing she’d grabbed a blanket off the bed, but then remembered that the bed had been covered in glass.

Neighbors were wandering into the street. They had flashlights, and pointed them at her, and called out to her, telling her that they’d be okay, that help was on the way.

It didn’t come.

An hour waiting in the cold, and they were nowhere in sight. Her neighbors started clearing out the stairwell. Had there been other bombings? Maybe the police were occupied with those. She could hear sirens from every direction, all in the distance. They weren’t in immediate danger.

Wait.

Conan was shaking too much. Where were they? The neighbors broke into her apartment and tried to reassure her. Someone said he knew just the thing to get them out. He returned a few minutes later and told them he was going to break through the wall with a sledgehammer. The wall flew to pieces, one strike at a time. He poked his head through. It was Amuro.

Bourbon.

He’d probably planned this, she figured. That placid smile on his wretched face had to be wiped off. He beckoned. Ran had to gather all of her acting ability. He was the only way out. Through him was the only way out.

Challenge accepted.

Ran smiled, and put Conan down. She buried her aching muscles and exhaustion deep. “Amuro!” she said in what she hoped was a grateful tone. He appeared to be fooled. “Hey, do you remember the first thing you taught me about getting into fights?”

Amuro held out his hand, laughing. “Yeah, I think the bombers hit first.”

She grasped it. Then yanked. He was off balance. There was too little floor here for him to land on. She flung herself on her back. There were pieces of shrapnel still imbedded in her back, she discovered. They made a grinding noise on the floor as she put her boots in his stomach. With a cry, half out of pain, half out of exertion, she rolled with him over the edge. She landed crouching on top of him, in the remnants of the other half of her bedroom. His ribs made a very satisfying crunch.

“Hello Bourbon,” she hissed.

His eyes were wide in panic, his mouth open, trying to suck in a breath. He might die.

He might die!?

She jumped off him, trying not to make further damage. To her relief he started to breathe. She grabbed the quilt on her bed, and threw it aside, shards of glass pouring off of it. The sheet beneath was the best she could do. She rummaged through Bourbon’s pockets, looking for a cell phone or anything he could use to hurt her or escape. She threw his knife down the street. He had a burner phone. She tucked that in her pocket. She wrapped him up like a sushi roll. That should keep him stuck while she grabbed Conan and went somewhere safe.

A shadow appeared in her way. A tall, black felt shadow, with cold, dead eyes and long, grey hair. Her body hummed with adrenaline.

“Impressive, Miss Ran,” Gin said. “And certainly creative. What warranted that?”

“Hello Gin,” she replied. That was all she needed to say, she figured.

Bourbon coughed and sputtered behind her.

He frowned, and tilted his hat to cover more of his face. “Little girl,” he hissed. “I’m not holding back this time.” Gin pulled a gun, and fired, all in one smooth action that was a blur to the human eye.

Ran was faster. She moved in time to his finger, dodging the bullet. She felt it cut through her hair. The adrenaline burned inside her, pushing her beyond what she could otherwise do. It also gave her tunnel vision, and that tunnel led to Gin. She closed the distance in an instant. Gin was caught off balance. He’d never seen someone do that. When your opponent is off balance, strike the hardest, and keep the blows coming. Thank you Amuro, she thought. She knocked the gun out of his hand as he tried to squeeze out another shot. It skittered across the ground. She snatched the hand he’d fired with, yanked it straight, and punched his elbow from below to make it bend the wrong way. It made a satisfying snap.

A sliver of ice-cold pain sliced into her flesh under her outstretched arm. His other hand had a knife, and it was cutting into her. She had to break loose.

Gin grabbed his arm, and re-bent it, jaw locked to prevent any sign of weakness from showing.

Ran grabbed her side. The blade had scraped against her ribcage. Good skeleton, it was doing its job. She was breathing hard, and she could feel every breath as it moved her scarred ribs. This would limit her movements. She spotted the gun she’d tossed aside earlier. Attacking from a distance would be better in her condition. She feigned a jump to the right, slid to her left and grabbed the gun.

Gin laughed. “You’d better hit me in the head little girl! If you want to live, that is. How about it, wanna become a murderer tonight?”

No. She wasn’t going to let that happen. Not with her childhood friend watching. He was covered, from the neck down with various types of body armor. There had to be another way through it. She smiled, raised the gun, and fired the remaining eight bullets into the lower right side of his chest’s body armor.

The gun was empty. She dropped it loosely from her fingertips, letting an ounce of her exhaustion come to the surface. She slowly climbed up, favoring her cut side, and limped towards him, breathing hard.

He laughed. Her first blow was easily blocked, but her second blow was her foot, crunching through the fractured body armor she’d filled with bullets, taking a few of his ribs. It felt like the last remnant of her strength had been burned up. He’d better stay down, or she was done for. She picked up a brick, crouched by his knee, where there’d have to be a weakness in his armor, and brought it down as hard as she could. It made a pleasing sound.

He knew better than to move. This orchid was the type that devoured the insects who wished to dine on it.

Conan.

She spun and sprinted up the cleared stairs to their apartment. “Who are those men?” asked Azusa, owner of the coffee shop on the ground floor. A damp bucket was in her hands. She trembled as Ran approached.

“They’re the ones who blew up my house, and tried to kidnap me and Conan.”

“But wasn’t Amuro your father’s apprentice?”

Ran realized that she must be covered in dirt and blood, like a demon. She tried to rub some off on her pajama top, but it was in the same state. “He was spying on us. Where’s Conan? Did you move him?”

Azusa covered her mouth, shaking. “Was one of them big? He was dressed in black, said he was a doctor, had sunglasses on at night…”

Ran thought on all of the descriptions Conan has given her. Vodka? “It could be one of them.”

“That man, he took Conan!”

Ran was already exhausted, in every possible meaning of the word. Now she was truly furious. She pulled out the burner phone, and punched in the phone number for Anokata. She wanted to strike him, hit him in the gut and take him down.

“Hello?” the voice was distorted, using some sort of machine to change it.

“Hello. This is Ran Mouri. I just wanted to let you know that I took down two of your agents. You should let the ambulances through, if you don’t want to lose them.”

Laughter. How could this possibly be funny?

“Why keep two weak agents when I could have a powerful agent like yourself at my side?”

“You’d let them die?” she hissed. Her breath caught as her injured ribs moved.

“Of course, they’ll die of the injuries you gave them. How does it feel to have completed your first two kills?”

Ran’s vision blacked out.

“I was thinking of a fitting code name for you. What do you think of Rum? Rum is made from fermenting molasses, and it packs quite the punch. Fitting, wouldn’t you say?”

This couldn’t be happening.

“Little Conan will be kept safe with us. Now, why don’t you-“

She hung up. Then passed out.

She’d been up 26 hours straight, helping Conan coordinate the movements of the FBI, CIA, Japanese police, and Interpol. Then her home had been blown up, with her still inside. Then she’d taken on and taken down two dangerous trained assassins, on pure adrenaline. No one could accuse her of having a case of the vapors.


Yeah, I'm enjoying writing lots of scenes where Ran is awesome. There will be scenes that Ran's not in. I swear. So, a little help making it presentable? Anyone? Please?
My DC Fanfic: Awaking and Arising - Shiromi writes her version of the end of the series. With 100% more lesbians and immortal zombie boys. And existential crises. Lots of them.
Kogorou - A character study that seeks to answer the question: Why is Kogorou the way he is?
A Kindred Spirit - Sonoko and Makoto realize that they have more in common than previously realized.
DC Fanfic Rants

Betareading this fanfic: Deception
Shiromi
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Re: Looking for a Beta Reader

Postby Shiromi » December 1st, 2013, 8:57 am

The first draft is done! I'll start posting it when I've gotten some sleep. Critiques are welcome and encouraged.

ETA:
Link to the FF.Net posting
My DC Fanfic: Awaking and Arising - Shiromi writes her version of the end of the series. With 100% more lesbians and immortal zombie boys. And existential crises. Lots of them.
Kogorou - A character study that seeks to answer the question: Why is Kogorou the way he is?
A Kindred Spirit - Sonoko and Makoto realize that they have more in common than previously realized.
DC Fanfic Rants

Betareading this fanfic: Deception
Shiromi
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Re: Looking for a Beta Reader

Postby Shiromi » December 9th, 2013, 3:29 pm

I found a writer who's willing to beta read for me: Fluehatraya - a good author who loves to work fantastical elements with a touch of humor into their writing, and I recommend giving their work a taste.
My DC Fanfic: Awaking and Arising - Shiromi writes her version of the end of the series. With 100% more lesbians and immortal zombie boys. And existential crises. Lots of them.
Kogorou - A character study that seeks to answer the question: Why is Kogorou the way he is?
A Kindred Spirit - Sonoko and Makoto realize that they have more in common than previously realized.
DC Fanfic Rants

Betareading this fanfic: Deception

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